Wednesday, August 3, 2011

And So It Begins

I have to be honest, for a long time I felt embarrassed when I wore make-up, even if it was just a little. I would leave the house feeling pretty, but once I stepped out into public, especially around people I knew, I got all self-conscience. I spent a good portion of my life as the tomboy to end all tomboys, and after that long people expect you to be a certain way. So, when you change the way you are, no matter how true to yourself you may be, people are going to judge you. Not always harshly. I remember the first time I wore eye make-up to work. One of my co-workers stopped in his tracks and said, “Woah! You look hot!” Sure, it was a compliment, but I didn’t really want anyone to notice me at all. So I made a change? Why do you have to mention it?

This all stems back to the reason I became a tomboy in the first place. When I was a kid, like most girls, I was just a little wisp of a thing. (Oh goddess, what I wouldn’t give to be a wisp today!) But one morning I woke up and these ridiculously humongous ta-tas had exploded on my chest overnight, leaving me looking like a twelve year old Dolly Parton. Let me tell you, I was very popular with all of the horny, pre-pubescent, tween boys at school. I was shy and prudish, and now I felt horrible about my body. So I stopped using my mum’s rouge and mascara and opted for my father’s t-shirts instead. I wanted to be girly, I wanted to be pretty like the other girls at school, but I didn’t want anyone to look me. 

The hardest thing you will ever do in life, EVER, is be a teenage girl.

As an adult the tables have turned. Now instead of feeling bad about looking like a woman, I started feeling crappy about dressing like a dude. I tried to ease myself into it with a brush of mascara here and a dab of lip gloss there, and before long it turned into a full blown obsession. The more I dabbled in the beauty world, the more comfortable I became and the less I cared what other people thought of me, (good or bad). I started using my background in art to experiment with color and costume make-up, and before long I had people coming to me asking me to doll them up for this event or the other.

I’m still a bit of a tomboy; it’s just instilled in me. I keep it pretty low-key and natural on a regular basis. But even that takes more effort than it used to, what with my ever-changing skin. It’s important to remember that beauty is more than choosing the right blush or finding your favorite eyeliner. It’s about taking care of yourself and feeling good about yourself, no matter what other people think.

xoxo Melissa

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