Welcome to Our World

I don't expect him to understand, he is male after all. He washes his face with the same bar of soap he uses on his ass crack. He says, "Sweetie, you don't need make up, you look pretty naturally." Poor, poor fool. He doesn't realize that "naturally" looking pretty doesn't just occur “naturally”for most girls. And frankly, if you are a "naturally pretty" girl who can actually get away with not eating right, drinking enough water, washing your face before bed no matter how tired/tipsy you may be and lovingly moisturizing from head to toe with near obsessive compulsive dedication, then I hate you. And you'll have wrinkles soon. Just kidding, I don't hate you, I'm just wicked jealous. Men don't grasp how much daily effort we put in to achieve a fresh faced and glowing visage. They think we're obsessed and over-zealous and that it's all a waste of time but I bet my left foot they'd speak up if we all quit our beauty regimens and let our body hair grow freely. "Oh, but Darling you said I'm just so pretty just natural" and he's thinking, "Cool, I married some creature from National Geographic magazine. Just great."

Now please don't get me wrong, I'm half hippie myself and I appreciate all natural things, states of being, vegetables and make-up. I swear by Dr. Bronner's Hemp Castile Soap and I promise you the best exfoliation money can buy isn’t from a tube, it’s from a day at the beach. Trust me, I got the memo about beauty being more than skin deep. I know that I'm beautiful with my naked face nestled into the pillows, grinning in early morning sunlight. All women abound with natural beauty that I know our partners appreciate and love. Having said that, reality called, it wants its nice tan and smooth skin back. Without taking care to nurture and protect our skin, the wrinkles set, the luster fades and we are left looking something like a catcher’s mitt by middle age. Not sexy. But not only is a beauty routine important for maintaining healthy skin, (the body's largest organ, remember), it's a big part of feeling good. What a difference it makes just adding a few touches to a clean face--Sweep of mascara here, highlit cheekbone there. Enhancing our natural beauty is the name of this game, not haphazardly glooping glitter, (I call that technique “slut-dusting”), and caking on eyeliner willy-nilly. Taking a few minutes for yourself to pamper each day, between work and kids and dogs and this thing they call “the grind” gives you the chance to pause, really look at your face in the mirror and say, “I’m wicked pretty.”

-Noella